God’s will, God’s desire, for the Church and me.

Posted in Uncategorized by Stephen Stonestreet on February 16, 2009

Through all my time of blogging, I still don’t know how to start off a blog post. I sit here for I don’t know how long, trying to figure out a way to start it, but I never seem to start it out the way I envision it, how I dream for it to come out. Language is such a hard thing to grasp. 

But that is not what I intended to talk about at this point. This is…

I wish that I could grasp a picture of me falling off the side of a cliff, just suddenly falling, with all the peace a man can have, and just disappear off the cliff. Because that is what I am feel happening. I am falling off a cliff in my heart. 

My brother and I were talking a few moments ago, sitting outside smoking a cigarette [some of the best conversations come from times outside smoking…], and he just poured himself out to me, speaking my mind in every way. 

In life, me and my brother, and the people around me, even the Church, has made idols in life. Whether it be music, missions, religion, smoking, etc… And I’ve come to the realization that God is looking for someone, for the Church, to not love anything else more than we love Him. Not our family, not our closest friends, not an child in Colombia, or any other person or thing in the world. He desires for us to love Him above all. 

And lately, I have found myself loving other things more than Him. And I am broken. 

I know His desires for me, His love for me, His complete and perfect will for me, but things and people keep me from loving Him and His will more.

My desires are different than His, and that should never be. I should love Him above them all. 

But at the same time, I feel I am being double minded, knowing that I love His desires so much more, but the difference is I have kept doing things that are not His desires or His wills, such as addictions to this or that. That is not His desire, it is not His will. 


For so long, I have bashed the “church”, and some of it I believe to be right criticism. But in reality, I have abandoned the established church, the place where so many people can and have found the Lord and are still more dedicated to Christ than ever. 

I have this desire, and it goes against my mind, it seems, my logic. But it is not against God’s will. 

God desires for the Church to be a place where people can have community and find love and find God in a new way. And why have I for so long abandoned this reality? 

I desire so much to be apart of the Church [the people], and they are right in front of me; they are right before my eyes, yet I have not seen them. 

Yes, there are things I don’t agree with, things I am critical towards, that I wish were not there, but why abandon it and not try to fix it through God’s strength. 

There are broken people everywhere, and God desires to save them. And why not build up the Church in order to release them to bring those people to Christ. I don’t have a reason why not, and I feel I should, but maybe I shouln’t…

And that is where I have come. If there was a reason, I would know it. Maybe?

But there isn’t at this time, and so why not join back, establish myself and have a commitment to a Church body within the whole Body. 

There are so many things that are possible, and we don’t have to get rid of a building or an establishment in order to bring change. Change is right before our eyes, we just have to grasp it, put color into the shades of black and white, and bring it back to life. 

That is my desire, God’s desire. 

And so, I have come to this place where I know I am supposed to get involved with God in the Body of Christ, in order to bring others to the realization of Jesus, and encourage change within the Body.

So I am going to work out some things… Keep me in your prayers, friends :)

thank you,



2 Responses

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  1. wellwateredgarden said, on February 16, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    Hey, Stephen … I believe you are in a good place. Simply by believing in Jesus you are in the Body of Christ, indeed, in the church of God, the church that one can only enter alone, by oneself.

    Go back to the institutional church if you must, if it is the group hug you need, but God does not require of you to join it for you to know His will and call on your life. You will only find that as you knock on heaven’s door and don’t quit until you have heard from Him.

    THEN you can go to (or back to) wherever God sends you as a missionary and be a blessing to many who are struggling as you were in that or other institutions.

    Oh, and the other thing is … God is not surprised by our sinning or our smoking or whatever. That whole shebang was totally paid for the moment Jesus said (no, cried out) IT IS FINISHED!

    The moment we believe (and keep on believing) in His Son we are doing the will of God. The trick is to be open to His ‘call,’ and then to simply live that call. Do it and join in the abundant life.

    Cheers and peace!

  2. Stephen Stonestreet said, on February 17, 2009 at 1:34 am

    Thanks for that, and your right. I’ve written a lot of post condemning the “church” (the institution), and saying I’m not going to go anymore (in a little less intense way)… but now, I’ve come to the place where I don’t need it, but I want to be apart of it. It won’t hold me in, and I won’t need it, it is just a place I feel God is calling me at this time, as I am graduating highschool and heading out of the country. I need a place where I can be sent out, supported, and prayed over, and I can’t seem to pick a better place than the church (institution) ive been in all my life. God has tremendously blessed me.

    And the point to all my posts on the institutional church is that the true Church is not doing what God intended, but I believe people’s hearts are right and we are headed in the right direction at my church… they are focused on true relationship, community, giving, and seeking God. That is what is important.

    Thanks! God bless!

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