Heads. Waists. Arms.

Today was church, of course. Good ol’ Sunday. We actually had two services, one downtown Medellin, and one in a neighborhood called Roblado. Each of them we filmed – the people worshipping God and having true community. It was beautiful. At the Roblado Church, I got to see almost all the boys from the farm in San Pedro. One of them as we listened to the service just rested the whole time on my shoulder (shown below), and the one next to me made me laugh my face off (the kid and I making crazy faces).

As I told John today, one of the biggest changes that takes place when I leave Colombia is the lack of affection. Right when you get here, you’ve got kids arms around your waist, heads on your shoulder, someone messing with your hair, and kids on your lap. John said to me today — “I want my own children!” Until then, we will be deprived of the affection, the type of love and affection Jesus had for the children in Matthew, and God the Father has for all his children. Thank you God for this revelation, I wouldn’t be where I am today without this love.

Also today, two people (Pastor at the Downtown Church and Yilmar — guy in the first photo) told me in front of a lot of other people that they now count me as a Colombian, that I have officially become a Colombian, in heart and in life. I’ve always wanted to be a Colombian, and it takes time to become one. Took me nearly 5 years. So, I might not look Colombian, but I am :)

a desire of a man

So I don’t make many posts of just talking about my life. So here it goes…

It’s been a good couple of weeks, in and out of myself, traveling, searching, loving. I am just kind of stuck in a rut, it seems sometimes… other times, I am so uber excited about life, and what is to come. 

One thing that has been on my mind lately is money… I work at Chick-fil-a, and it is O.K. money, but I know I can’t do that for the rest of my life, and I don’t really want too… What I would really LOVE to do, as I’m sure most people do, is travel, travel, travel. It is hard to do that these days though, and actually be able to eat… I know that I am called to be a missionary, a good father (but not just to my own children, but as a spiritual father for God’s purposes…), an blogger, a videographer (but not for money), and of course, as I have mentioned, a world traveler; I want to make a difference in this world. I’d love to start a mission to help people around the world, in poverty, with disease, help get people out of slavery, being a father, love, be affectionate towards, and be compassionate to the world, giving up of myself to those who need God, and who need to be encouraged. I have been told I am going to be a man who blesses, lives with, or is helpful towards, the most insignificant people of the world. And with all my heart, I want what God wants for me, I know that is this. I feel it all within my bones, within my eyes, within my mind, within my gut, the utmost parts of my body, and my heart (which is the most strong). I desire so much to live with God, be with God, loving Him, being with Him, being best friends, and loving others while I love God. I want it with all that I am, I could cry for years, for eternity, if I don’t do it. If I don’t strive for these things, I know I will cry for eternity. 

So as I live in this moment, day by day, striving to be the person God wants me to be, messing up, confessing my sinful ways, and loving those around me in intricate ways, ways I hope no one else has loved before. It is as if I will burst, blow, die if I don’t do what I know God wants to do through me, in me. I have to do it. 

Pray for me, that all these things, my flesh mostly, that make me fall, that make me fail, leave, and I find strength in God. 

With tears, many tears, I ask for you to pray for me, that God will be in me, and I will be in Him, and that I will do what He does, what He desires, what His heart longs for. Thats all I want. 

 

And in these final moments of this day,

I know what I must do.

I must pray, I must earnestly pray,

for God’s mercy,

for God’s grace,

for God’s forgiveness of this broken state,

I must earnestly pray,

pray, pray,

for His return to me,

for my return to Him,

for the end of myself has come,

at the end of this day,

and for it all to never come back.